Recently I've been feeling like my entire life is planned for me. I'm going to finish university, get a job, get married, knock out a few kids and live happily ever after, not with great misery neither with great adventure and this is starting to make me feel, for lack of a better word, bored. And frightened. I'm scared that I'm sitting by whilst everyone else 'lives' I'm going to miss out on ever doing anything particularly great or meaningful once I graduate.
Therefore I'm not going to do it my way anymore. If this is the best I can do with my life then I really don't want to do it my way anymore. I want to do extraordinary things and I want to do them for the one who saved my soul. Why should I decide everything and map my entire life out when God can do it better, and in a way which leaves me much more fulfilled and gives me a greater purpose: working for God's purpose. God has amazing things planned for my life, he's told me enough times! The woman who came through my till was the most obvious one, and I'm so excited for what he has planned. He's going to turn my life around in ways that I cannot even begin to imagine but this involves trusting in him completely. Therefore my proposal is initially to stop doing all the things I know I shouldn't do and that God doesn't like in order to be able to focus myself entirely on him and follow him completely and with my whole heart. The second step to this is to pray regularly, not just for guidance when I come to a decision, but for opportunities and guidance even when I don't quite realise that I need it, & to keep me from temptation and straying onto alternative and sometimes seemingly easier paths and thirdly to pray for revelation, pray that God will in his grace, reveal to me at least in part where he wants me to go and how he wants me to fight for him, fight for his people, and for reassurance that I am actually working where he needs me.
I've known for the last 18 months that God wants me in Brighton for a reason, and it's time for me to start to discover this. My life's going to be changed in ways that I can't even contemplate and I'm terrified, but I will trust in him because He is more capable than I could ever hope to be.
Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are
XOX
Saturday 22 December 2012
Sunday 25 November 2012
Nightshelter 2012/13
Well my blog's have been a little depressing recently, so I wanted to blog about something nicer, you know kinda like the 'It's not just doom & gloom' section of 'Russell Howard's Good News'
Nightshelter is a network of churches who group together in the winter months to help some of Brighton's most vulnerable people: the homeless. It acts as a stepping stone to help get homeless people integrated back into society, and primarily we provide food and shelter for up to 15 men a night. The scheme is run entirely by volunteers who really have a heart for serving, and compassion for both the city and helping people in this situation.
I volunteered last year and God blessed me so much by doing so, It allowed me to break down common misconceptions that I had of this group of people and actually put my heart for servitude into action for him.
I went through most of my Christian life thinking that God had missed me out when he was handing out gifts. I'm not exceptionally musically talented, I can't speak in tongues, I'm not a great leader, or a great public speaker. I can't quote verse after verse from the bible from memory. But it took me a few years to realise, God has given me a servant heart. I get so excited to work for Him, show his love to people who don't know him, through my actions. It's one of the reasons why I want to be a doctor, why I want to work with people, Not to demonstrate myself and how amazing I am, to to demonstrate Him and give glory to him through my actions in the opportunities that he's laying out before me.
This year I'm getting involved in nightshelter again and I'm absolutely buzzing!! due to first aid training, I can't do evenings anymore but I'm giving up sleep to get there and give them breakfast in the morning and start conversations. It also gives me a glimpse into why I got the job at Asda, as well as being a way of earning money and supporting myself through uni, I really feel like God is equipping me through the opportunity to work with and build relationship through a wide range of people. I'm also so excited for what this step will lead to in these peoples lives, how they could improve them.
Let's see what the next year brings!
XOX
Nightshelter is a network of churches who group together in the winter months to help some of Brighton's most vulnerable people: the homeless. It acts as a stepping stone to help get homeless people integrated back into society, and primarily we provide food and shelter for up to 15 men a night. The scheme is run entirely by volunteers who really have a heart for serving, and compassion for both the city and helping people in this situation.
I volunteered last year and God blessed me so much by doing so, It allowed me to break down common misconceptions that I had of this group of people and actually put my heart for servitude into action for him.
I went through most of my Christian life thinking that God had missed me out when he was handing out gifts. I'm not exceptionally musically talented, I can't speak in tongues, I'm not a great leader, or a great public speaker. I can't quote verse after verse from the bible from memory. But it took me a few years to realise, God has given me a servant heart. I get so excited to work for Him, show his love to people who don't know him, through my actions. It's one of the reasons why I want to be a doctor, why I want to work with people, Not to demonstrate myself and how amazing I am, to to demonstrate Him and give glory to him through my actions in the opportunities that he's laying out before me.
This year I'm getting involved in nightshelter again and I'm absolutely buzzing!! due to first aid training, I can't do evenings anymore but I'm giving up sleep to get there and give them breakfast in the morning and start conversations. It also gives me a glimpse into why I got the job at Asda, as well as being a way of earning money and supporting myself through uni, I really feel like God is equipping me through the opportunity to work with and build relationship through a wide range of people. I'm also so excited for what this step will lead to in these peoples lives, how they could improve them.
Let's see what the next year brings!
XOX
Sunday 18 November 2012
He is AMAZING!
I've never had God speak to me as clearly as he did today and it was so amazing!!
Basically, tonight I went to work, and I'd been having a rubbish day and I mean probably up in the top 10 worst days of the year so far, and to top it off I'm feeling so ill and bunged up it's unbelievable, but I'm contracted to work Saturday evenings so I went in. About halfway through my shift I had a customer come through my till, so I treated her as I normally would, did all the happy to help criteria, asked her about how her day was, had a generally nice chat, processed the transaction etc. and she turns round to me and told me about how she really feels that God has amazing things planned for me, how he's going to work in my life in ways that I won't believe possible, as long as I give my heart entirely to him. And all this is before I even tell her I'm a Christian and I go to a church in Brighton and everything. I just find it absolutely amazing how God can speak to us in so many different ways, and I know that he does it subtly all the time, but I just love it when he speaks to you in ways that gives you goosebumps. It just serves as a reminder of how amazing he actually is and how much he has his hand over everything (Including Asda!)
Just a quick note for tonight ;)
XOX
Basically, tonight I went to work, and I'd been having a rubbish day and I mean probably up in the top 10 worst days of the year so far, and to top it off I'm feeling so ill and bunged up it's unbelievable, but I'm contracted to work Saturday evenings so I went in. About halfway through my shift I had a customer come through my till, so I treated her as I normally would, did all the happy to help criteria, asked her about how her day was, had a generally nice chat, processed the transaction etc. and she turns round to me and told me about how she really feels that God has amazing things planned for me, how he's going to work in my life in ways that I won't believe possible, as long as I give my heart entirely to him. And all this is before I even tell her I'm a Christian and I go to a church in Brighton and everything. I just find it absolutely amazing how God can speak to us in so many different ways, and I know that he does it subtly all the time, but I just love it when he speaks to you in ways that gives you goosebumps. It just serves as a reminder of how amazing he actually is and how much he has his hand over everything (Including Asda!)
Just a quick note for tonight ;)
XOX
Monday 22 October 2012
Another Turning Point, A Fork Stuck In The Road
I started a blog a week ago entitled as above, and I've left the title the same although what I have to say has changed. I was right in that I was at a turning point in my walk with God and I still am.
Last week, I went to a different church for the Sunday evening service. It's a fairly new church in Brighton and I've heard so many great things about it, like how welcoming the people are for one. Which rang true to me, but I don't know. Maybe it's that I don't like change but I just felt so uncomfortable there. I can see how for many its a really good church, really supportive but I really felt God telling me this wasn't where he wanted me, so much so that I wanted to run back to CCK mid-service. But I'm so glad God used that experience to speak to me. But then I also wasn't entirely content at CCK either. I've felt alone in a lot of circumstances, like it wouldn't really matter if I attended or not, leaving me wondering, when is my expiration date at this church? will I ever truly feel part of it? and most importantly, should I stay or should I go?
Fast forward to tonight, where I have a week behind me, including some huge emotional hurdles and some encouraging talks with friends, I walk into CCK alone. And it was like coming home, the same way I always feel when I return to my home church, the talk was really good, the worship, the format, everything just felt so suited to me. God used the service today to speak to me as well about his mission and getting involved but firstly myself needing to overcome hurdles and barriers that I've set out in front of me. So I went up for prayer today for the first time since starting that church which, along with the overwhelming sense of people actually caring about what was going on with me which is what I've been craving. God's calling me up to serve, and I just feel as soon as you become a part of a church's mission, you gain more of a sense of belonging plus with involvement it strikes up the opportunity to develop meaningful friendships with other Christians another thing of which I've been craving. I fully believe that God calls his people to where he needs them at that moment in time and right now I feel that God isn't only calling me to Brighton but to this church in particular. God will also put you where you can grow and I trust in him.
Exciting times ahead!
XOX
Last week, I went to a different church for the Sunday evening service. It's a fairly new church in Brighton and I've heard so many great things about it, like how welcoming the people are for one. Which rang true to me, but I don't know. Maybe it's that I don't like change but I just felt so uncomfortable there. I can see how for many its a really good church, really supportive but I really felt God telling me this wasn't where he wanted me, so much so that I wanted to run back to CCK mid-service. But I'm so glad God used that experience to speak to me. But then I also wasn't entirely content at CCK either. I've felt alone in a lot of circumstances, like it wouldn't really matter if I attended or not, leaving me wondering, when is my expiration date at this church? will I ever truly feel part of it? and most importantly, should I stay or should I go?
Fast forward to tonight, where I have a week behind me, including some huge emotional hurdles and some encouraging talks with friends, I walk into CCK alone. And it was like coming home, the same way I always feel when I return to my home church, the talk was really good, the worship, the format, everything just felt so suited to me. God used the service today to speak to me as well about his mission and getting involved but firstly myself needing to overcome hurdles and barriers that I've set out in front of me. So I went up for prayer today for the first time since starting that church which, along with the overwhelming sense of people actually caring about what was going on with me which is what I've been craving. God's calling me up to serve, and I just feel as soon as you become a part of a church's mission, you gain more of a sense of belonging plus with involvement it strikes up the opportunity to develop meaningful friendships with other Christians another thing of which I've been craving. I fully believe that God calls his people to where he needs them at that moment in time and right now I feel that God isn't only calling me to Brighton but to this church in particular. God will also put you where you can grow and I trust in him.
Exciting times ahead!
XOX
Wednesday 3 October 2012
Mercy
When crisis arose, I prayed.
I believe in a merciful God, a merciful God who listens to our prayers and answers them, but healing has always been a sore subject to me, I know that God will heal, but I can often doubt that he will. But it is in God's mercy that he heals us. He heals us not due to entitlement but due to his vast compassion towards us.
But also, I'm slowly learning to trust in God and place more of my life into his hands. I can by nature try and be so organised, so controlling, so independent. But God has a plan for everyone's lives that is far better than anything we can imagine for ourselves. God's ways are different to my ways, & It's hard to think of death being anything other than opposite to healing. However if death means being with God, isn't that the ultimate healing? Far away from the pain & suffering that illness brings on earth.
The bible says:
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)
God's ways are different to ours. This can be so hard to comprehend because of course we miss the person that's gone. We ask for healing & God in his mercy grants it. Not in our timing or our ways, but in his. This is perfect & although this isn't my way, I will trust in him.
I prayed for healing and God in his mercy granted it, proof in itself that God answers prayer!
'Not because of what I've done but because of who you are'
XOX
I believe in a merciful God, a merciful God who listens to our prayers and answers them, but healing has always been a sore subject to me, I know that God will heal, but I can often doubt that he will. But it is in God's mercy that he heals us. He heals us not due to entitlement but due to his vast compassion towards us.
But also, I'm slowly learning to trust in God and place more of my life into his hands. I can by nature try and be so organised, so controlling, so independent. But God has a plan for everyone's lives that is far better than anything we can imagine for ourselves. God's ways are different to my ways, & It's hard to think of death being anything other than opposite to healing. However if death means being with God, isn't that the ultimate healing? Far away from the pain & suffering that illness brings on earth.
The bible says:
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)
God's ways are different to ours. This can be so hard to comprehend because of course we miss the person that's gone. We ask for healing & God in his mercy grants it. Not in our timing or our ways, but in his. This is perfect & although this isn't my way, I will trust in him.
I prayed for healing and God in his mercy granted it, proof in itself that God answers prayer!
'Not because of what I've done but because of who you are'
XOX
Wednesday 26 September 2012
What if I believed you, would it change my heart?
I was in the car a few weeks ago. It was dark and the road was illuminated only by the headlights of the surrounding vehicles. The M25 was fairly empty and I was driving home. I always get anxious when I'm going home to see Adam. I get butterflies in my stomach and I tap the steering wheel. The journey's long but it goes fast because I have an aim, a direction. I had the 'I'm coming home' line from Hearts burst into fire by Bullet For My Valentine running through my head, so I reached into the glove compartment to find the CD & ended up finding Momento Mori by Flyleaf so I stuck it in the player and worked through the tracks. Eventually I got to Circle and it has a line in it which goes:
'What if I believed you, would it change my heart?'
And it got me thinking, how have I changed since becoming a Christian all those years ago and how does this make me different? People always say to me 'Vicky, you're so nice, you're one of the nicest people I've ever met' but the truth is I'm really not. I can be absolutely horrendous in my thoughts and in the way I act. Some of my prepubescent arguments with my sister hold testament to this! I'm nice not through me but though God working though me. I'm (trying to) show Jesus through my actions and perceptions to other people. I'm impatient, but through God's mercy, he gives me patience. I am judgemental but the father takes this from me.
I think one of the main reasons I am the person I am today is that because of my relationship with God, I have hope, hope in the future, hope in something more than this. The bible also teaches that only those who come to the lord can be truly satisfied. Its so easy to be distracted by things, things that God has given us to enjoy, even to the point of worshipping it over God. These things can bring happiness, but it's superficial and momentary. God holds the key.
So back to point: Have I changed since I became a Christian?
Absolutely.
I'm able to be happy, instead of coveting what someone else has, longing for approval from people who will never give you it and I have no dissatisfaction with life as a whole.
I have hope in something. I'm aiming towards a goal, a finishing line which means that my life has so much more meaning than aimlessly stumbling through.
I'm not a nice person alone, but with Jesus working through me, I'm able to show him to others which in turn makes me seem so much nicer.
Just a few points for thought ;)
XOX
'What if I believed you, would it change my heart?'
And it got me thinking, how have I changed since becoming a Christian all those years ago and how does this make me different? People always say to me 'Vicky, you're so nice, you're one of the nicest people I've ever met' but the truth is I'm really not. I can be absolutely horrendous in my thoughts and in the way I act. Some of my prepubescent arguments with my sister hold testament to this! I'm nice not through me but though God working though me. I'm (trying to) show Jesus through my actions and perceptions to other people. I'm impatient, but through God's mercy, he gives me patience. I am judgemental but the father takes this from me.
I think one of the main reasons I am the person I am today is that because of my relationship with God, I have hope, hope in the future, hope in something more than this. The bible also teaches that only those who come to the lord can be truly satisfied. Its so easy to be distracted by things, things that God has given us to enjoy, even to the point of worshipping it over God. These things can bring happiness, but it's superficial and momentary. God holds the key.
So back to point: Have I changed since I became a Christian?
Absolutely.
I'm able to be happy, instead of coveting what someone else has, longing for approval from people who will never give you it and I have no dissatisfaction with life as a whole.
I have hope in something. I'm aiming towards a goal, a finishing line which means that my life has so much more meaning than aimlessly stumbling through.
I'm not a nice person alone, but with Jesus working through me, I'm able to show him to others which in turn makes me seem so much nicer.
Just a few points for thought ;)
XOX
Thursday 13 September 2012
9 Weeks Away
I blogged a few months ago about how it's been amazing and such a blessing to have been offered a job commencing from the end of my exams and still on-going (now permanent employment!). And as much as this is still true, the coincidence of this summer with London 2012 has led to some inevitable changes. 9 weeks ago Sunday trading law was relaxed meaning we extended our opening hours to 8pm on a Sunday and also my shift. This therefore made it absolutely impossible for me to attend CCK for the Sunday services, And with spending weekdays back home, I also missed summer small group.
Don't get me wrong, the Olympics have been absolutely amazing, even I watched parts and I really don't enjoy watching most sport.
But, how can I have grown in relationship with God without this kind of sustenance?
I didn't deal with it very well, I'm not very good at reading my bible in the best of circumstances, and without church I seemed to lose all motivation to do so completely. I filled my summer with work and threw myself into giving 100% to my new role and kind of pushed God aside.
The thing with God though is even when you go through phases (and I do this) of wanting to ignore him, finding it easier to not bother, God still loves us and he's waiting to forgive us. I find it amazing that no matter how far I try to run from him, he always pursues me, and is waiting with open arms.
So what changed? I always think that God doesn't speak to me, that it's a rarity that he does and there's no point in waiting when it seems so few and far between. It's a case of realising that God is always talking us, a lot of the time I'm not receptive to him, and I don't listen when he speaks. But this week God just stirred something in my heart to pick up my bible and start reading. I have a iPad app for the bible and it comes with some plans that you can follow and complete, and I was halfway through one & it spoke to me just as I was. I'm a conformist and I can have a tendency to just go along with the flow, go along with what everyone else is doing and this can easily lead you away from God, I can also be affected by worldly issues that distract from. The verse I read just said simply and directly 'Do not conform with the ways of this world' (you can read more about this in my other blog).
So then a couple of days later, I went to CCK student leaders on tour, and God really placed on my heart that I haven't been putting him at the centre, where in reality nothing else matters when it comes to God and I really need to work on focusing on him and not the distractions the world brings.
So after 9 weeks of being away, Sunday - I'm going back
XOX
Prayer point:
- Could you please just pray that through the next year with work, uni, relationships etc. I can maintain keeping God central & being proactive for him. =]
Don't get me wrong, the Olympics have been absolutely amazing, even I watched parts and I really don't enjoy watching most sport.
But, how can I have grown in relationship with God without this kind of sustenance?
I didn't deal with it very well, I'm not very good at reading my bible in the best of circumstances, and without church I seemed to lose all motivation to do so completely. I filled my summer with work and threw myself into giving 100% to my new role and kind of pushed God aside.
The thing with God though is even when you go through phases (and I do this) of wanting to ignore him, finding it easier to not bother, God still loves us and he's waiting to forgive us. I find it amazing that no matter how far I try to run from him, he always pursues me, and is waiting with open arms.
So what changed? I always think that God doesn't speak to me, that it's a rarity that he does and there's no point in waiting when it seems so few and far between. It's a case of realising that God is always talking us, a lot of the time I'm not receptive to him, and I don't listen when he speaks. But this week God just stirred something in my heart to pick up my bible and start reading. I have a iPad app for the bible and it comes with some plans that you can follow and complete, and I was halfway through one & it spoke to me just as I was. I'm a conformist and I can have a tendency to just go along with the flow, go along with what everyone else is doing and this can easily lead you away from God, I can also be affected by worldly issues that distract from. The verse I read just said simply and directly 'Do not conform with the ways of this world' (you can read more about this in my other blog).
So then a couple of days later, I went to CCK student leaders on tour, and God really placed on my heart that I haven't been putting him at the centre, where in reality nothing else matters when it comes to God and I really need to work on focusing on him and not the distractions the world brings.
So after 9 weeks of being away, Sunday - I'm going back
XOX
- Could you please just pray that through the next year with work, uni, relationships etc. I can maintain keeping God central & being proactive for him. =]
An Introduction
Welcome!!
New blog, not a replacement for my other blog, I'll still update that regularly, but a side blog. This is a blog dedicated to my thoughts and basically my journey in relationship with God.
So with a slightly different layout and look, I'm back, still talking about all the things that I find important :)
Keep watching & reading!
XOX
New blog, not a replacement for my other blog, I'll still update that regularly, but a side blog. This is a blog dedicated to my thoughts and basically my journey in relationship with God.
So with a slightly different layout and look, I'm back, still talking about all the things that I find important :)
Keep watching & reading!
XOX
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